Bayard & Holmes Privacy Policy

Who we are:

Our website address is http://BayardandHolmes.com.

What personal data we collect and why we collect it:

Comments

When you leave a comment at our site, we collect . . . your comment. The website program also records the email address you provide with your comment, along with your IP address. We can see that.

If you are a jihadi or other scumbag threatening our lives, we will likely use your IP address to beat you to the punch. We will not use your email address to send you a warning first. Other than that, we don’t pay any attention to your IP address or email, much less use that information for anything. To the best of our knowledge, the website program only uses the IP address and browser user agent string (whatever that is) to help in spam detection.

The website program may also provide an anonymized string created from your email address (also called a hash) to the Gravatar service. The Gravatar service privacy policy is available here: https://automattic.com/privacy/. This is so that once your comment is approved, your profile picture is visible to the public in the context of your comment. We promise we will never photoshop your profile picture to the body of a politician or any other undesirable creature, nor will we use your profile picture for any other purpose–unless you are a jihadi or some other scumbag threatening our lives and then all bets are off.

Media

If you upload images to the website, we will put funny captions on them and see if they can go viral . . . Just kidding. We won’t do anything with your pictures except remove them if we deem them to be vulgar or insulting to our visitors. Actually, for security reasons, you should avoid uploading images on our website or any others. If you must upload images to our website or any others, be careful to remove any embedded location data (EXIF GPS). Unscrupulous bastards can download and extract location data from images on the Internet, so let’s not give them that.

Contact forms

If you send us an inquiry from our “Contact” page, we will be able to see your name and email. We will not use it for any purpose except to answer your email. Seriously. We barely even use our own email. We’re definitely not going to exploit yours.

Covert Briefing

If you are inspired to register for our newsletter, the Covert Briefing, the only thing we will see is whatever name you provide, if you choose to provide a name, and your email address. Our newsletter service is MailChimp. If you subscribe to our newsletter and then decide you don’t want it, you can unsubscribe at any time by clicking a link at the bottom of the email.

Cookies

Apparently, the website program allows you to opt in to saving your name, email address, and website in cookies if you leave a comment on our site. These are for your convenience so that you do not have to fill in your details again when you leave another comment. These cookies will last for one year.

To be clear, here at Bayard & Holmes, we believe all cookies should be freshly baked and still hot from the oven. We never voluntarily opt in to any other kind of cookies. However, we genuinely believe the website program cookies to be harmless, and even we would say opting in is okay here at our page.

Embedded content from other websites

Articles on this site may include embedded content (e.g. videos, images, articles, etc.). The embedded content we include at this site is almost exclusively YouTube videos. Embedded content from other websites behaves in the exact same way as if the visitor has visited the other website.

These websites may collect data about you, use cookies, embed additional third-party tracking, and monitor your interaction with that embedded content, including tracing your interaction with the embedded content if you have an account and are logged in to that website.

In other words, if you sleep with embedded content anywhere on the Internet, you’re sleeping with all of the other content that it’s been in bed with before, and it could give you a bad case of digital syphilis. To sum it up, we don’t post any content unless we reasonably believe it to be free of such koodies, but we can’t make¬†any guarantees.

Analytics

We have a page here in our website dashboard that shows us how many visitors we’ve had, what countries they are from, and which articles were clicked on. That’s it. There is also a Google page out there somewhere with more specific analytics about how long people stayed on certain pages and what country they were in when they did it, but we haven’t bothered to look at that page in years. We are unwilling to supply Google with the information necessary to access the page. We don’t even know the email address, ID, or password anymore. We could find out, but we’d rather spend our time serving you, our readers, than peeking up your digital skirts.

If you subscribe to our newsletter, we will only be able to see your name, should you choose to give it, and your email. The MailChimp analytics show us who has opened our newsletter and who has clicked on which links in the newsletter. That’s it.

With whom we share your data:

No. One.

How long we retain your data:

If you leave a comment, the comment and its metadata are retained indefinitely by the website program. This is so the website program can recognize and approve any follow-up comments automatically instead of holding them in a moderation queue.

What rights you have over your data:

If you have left comments on this site, you can request to receive an accounting of the personal data we hold about you, including any data you have provided to us. You can also request that we erase any personal data we hold about you. That personal data would consist solely of any comments you make, your name, and the above-mentioned email and IP address.

Where we send your data:

Visitor comments are checked through Askimet automated spam detection service.

How we protect your data:

We protect your data with an NSA, a CIA, a US Marine Corps, a US Navy, a US Army, a US Air Force, drones, whatever protections WordPress, MailChimp, and our site host TechSurgeons have in place, and four twenty-somethings that could hack the Pentagon if there were enough Gardettos, Pocky, and Sour Patch Kids involved in the deal. Also, Piper is the only person who ever accesses the site. She’s tried to rope Holmes into administrative duties a couple of times, but he’s managed to outmaneuver her so far.

Anything we may have missed:

You may safely assume that we will never share anything in any way we haven’t mentioned here specifically, short of a court order. And we mean a real court order, not any of that FISA blanket warrant BS. Here’s the bottom line . . . You have a right to your privacy, and we have a right to your privacy. Let’s all be as private as we can together.