By Piper Bayard and Jay Holmes
Here at Bayard & Holmes, we’ve created the Cyber Smack, because some folks need a good cyber-smackin’. A Cyber Smack is the cyber equivalent of a smack upside the head for being egregiously stupid or ignorant.
Neither of us is affiliated with any political party, and our only agenda, if we have one, is to turn your problems into our opportunities. (Click here.) As hard core moderates in every way, we are in the enviable position of getting to Cyber Smack everyone from Hollywood figures who think they are elected officials to actual officials who stun and amaze us with their astoundingly Hollywood-sounding pronouncements.
Right now, Obamacare is being litigated in the Federal Circuit Courts. At question is the power of Congress under the Commerce Clause, and whether Congress has the right to require every American to purchase health insurance. The concern is that, if Obamacare stands, there will be exactly no limit on what Congress can demand of Americans under the Commerce Clause in the future.
Whether you are Republican, Democrat, or some flavor “Brand X,” you have to admit that seriously stupid things are being said about this new approach to health care. In honor of those seriously stupid things, our first distinguished winner of the Bayard & Holmes Cyber Smack is Neal Kumar Katyal, Acting Solicitor General. Apparently, his interpretation of the American Dream is for all Americans to earn so little money that each and every one of us is eligible for welfare.
Neal Kumar Katyal, the political stunt double of Kumar from the Harold and Kumar movies, has decided to return to the big screen as Obama’s Acting Solicitor General. We wonder if, like his movie double, this Kumar consumes copious amounts of marijuana and, perhaps, other mind-altering substances, based on his recent oral argument in defense of Obamacare.
While the Harold and Kumar movies are somewhat entertaining, we find the scripting for this current screen novel to be highly revolting. Katyal defended Obamacare in court by saying that, if people didn’t like the individual mandate to purchase health insurance, they could avoid it by choosing to earn less money. . . . Really? . . . Is our administration really encouraging us to impoverish ourselves? And in this economy, when so many people are suffering from poverty already?
While Acting Solicitor General is, indeed, an acting role, we take this statement as a strong example of why presidents should not hire actors as Acting Solicitors General.
We’re partially in agreement with Neal Kumar’s suggestion that people earn less income, but our theory is a bit more limited. It’s limited to him. We’re suggesting that, in keeping with his troll-like role for the administration, we send him to New Jersey where he can live under highway bridges and fully experience his personal philosophy that Americans need to earn less money.
We thought about putting him to work in a fast food restaurant for minimum wage, but we didn’t want to take away the position from some honest, hard-working person who has more of a goal in life than earning so little money he does not have to purchase health insurance.
For his outstanding ability to keep a straight face while reciting insulting political gibberish in his battle to vastly expand the powers of Congress, we are awarding Neal Kumar Katyal with a well-earned Cyber Smack.
Consider yourself Cyber-Smacked, Kumar. The rest of us will sleep better with you residing under a dank highway bridge in New Jersey. Perhaps you’ll find employment with one of the only businesses currently experiencing growth in New Jersey. The Mafia. Between your face, your law degree, and your disregard for the truth, you should do well in the interview, and they will provide you with plenty of opportunities to spout gibberish to judges.
Do you think the McDonald’s application site will be shut down from the rush of people trying to lower their incomes? Who else do you think needs a Cyber Smack?