By Piper Bayard

Farm boys blow stuff up. It’s what they do for fun when “Momma” sends them outside to play. That Chinese guy who invented gunpowder? Yep. He was a farm boy. So with almost 400 years of “down home” coursing through my son’s veins, it’s no wonder he’s taught me about napalm, rail guns, and tannerite. Tannerite is particularly fun. Check it out.

Now, let’s all own up. If people didn’t enjoy harmless explosions, Jerry Bruckheimer would be out of business.

So over Spring Break, we went to visit some people I don’t know and can’t identify on their farm in a place I could never find again in a country I’ve never been to. I only remember that one of our hostesses looked like a calorically enhanced twin to Janet Reno, and her friends were calling her “Janet.” Some people, apparently her family members, were calling her “Big Sis.” Somehow, some tannerite was delivered ahead of time at this non-existent location.

We began our fun activities by mixing the tannerite and shooting it with a 30.06 rifle. It turned one perfectly good cardboard box into a well-vented cardboard box, leaving a 28″ diameter blast through it. Well, that was a good start.

We sent out a dream wish and some kid I never met and don’t remember landed on our doorstep the next day with a few common household items. He showed us a possible way to make a bigger boom. This is the device he came up with.

Now, now. Get your minds out of the gutter.

This is two jars of tannerite, legal in all 50 states, and a few common household items that are also legal across the nation. The unknown kid took it out back by the pond that doesn’t exist at the farm I could never find again to light it and see what would happen. I recorded the resulting explosion. However, I will have to describe it to you because try as I might, and I tried for two hours at 11 p.m. last night, I couldn’t figure out how to get WordPress to talk to the video file.

Anyway, back to the fun stuff. The kid I never met lit the fuse and ran. About fifteen seconds later, we were rewarded with a small boom and a flash of incredibly bright light. It  blasted fifteen feet in diameter across the ground in every direction, while shooting a pillar upward about four feet in its center.

As it turns out, the poof of light created by those common household items wasn’t enough to ignite the very stable tannerite, though it did set the surrounding grass on fire.. This is what was left.

I know what you’re thinking. Stop that. . . .

The kid we didn’t know eventually took the tannerite out and shot it with a 30.06, ending the scientific experiments until at least next weekend. If you know anyone with a little land and a 30.06 or stronger rifle, I highly recommend you order a bit of this stuff online and play with it. It’s a hoot!

Tannerite. . . . It’s what’s for Spring Break.

What sort of fun did you have on your Spring Break?

All the best to all of you for having fun with kids you never met.