By Piper Bayard
As humans, we seem, by and large, to have this idea that when we arrived, the planet, itself, arrived. Each generation has the notion that we are the final destination of both creation and evolution that will, somehow, some way, survive any apocalyptic event. Even more, we will survive with sexy fashions.
Tina Turner in Beyond Thunderdome
Who wouldn’t want Tina Turner’s chainmail peek-a-boo or Mila Jovovich’s short shorts and garters in the middle of a scorching desert?
Mila Jovovich in Resident Evil: Extinction
Anybody?
The fact is that, while there’s quite an entertainment industry built up around making us feel like we will be among the few special ones to survive an apocalypse, chances are we won’t be, and if we are, we won’t have much use for peek-a-boo garters. We’ll need every fashion advantage we can get.
In FIRELANDS, Archer is facing the North American aftermath of the explosion of the Supervolcano Taupo in New Zealand. (Sorry Kiwis. I couldn’t exactly make it Yellowstone and have anyone here survive for a story.) Ash blanketed the earth, and lowered the average temperature of North America by 20 degrees for seven years. Twenty-eight years later, other volcanoes, awakened by the rapid reversal of the magnetic poles, still spew their ash, and smoke still blankets the land.
So while Archer would prefer to dress like this . . .
Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games
. . . she wears men’s pants and camouflage turtlenecks, grubby from days at a time spent hunting to feed her people. That’s because in a real apocalypse, we won’t have enough biore wipes or antibacterial hand wash to go around, and we’re going to have to dress a lot more like Mila Kunis in the Book of Eli if we expect to survive.
Mila Kunis in The Book of Eli
Until midnight MST on July 18, 2013, I’m running the FIRELANDS Apocalypse Reader/Blogger Challenge. It’s easy to enter whether you’re a reader or a blogger, and no purchase is necessary. The prize for readers is the FIRELANDS Apocalypse Survival Kit, which includes the FireKnife to gut your squirrel, split your kindling, and start your cooking fire, a can of Tactical Bacon for a chaser, candy cigarettes and a chocolate bar to barter, and a stuffed Grumpy Cat to keep you company. Bloggers, you can win a feature at Social In Worldwide and reach an audience of two million. See FIRELANDS Apocalypse Reader/Blogger Challenge for the details.
So what do you think? Have you got the thighs to pull off the Tina Turner or Mila Jovovich look in the event of a Supervolcano explosion? Or are you more of an Archer? What would be your ideal post-apocalyptic outfit?
FIRELANDS
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Also in e-book at Barnes & Noble and Kobo,
and at iTunes for iPad and mobile devices.
Definitely the Tina Turner look for me, Piper. Although since we live only a couple hundred miles from Yellowstone, probably not going to have to worry about shaving my legs for the real apocalypse.
I think that’s a win for you with the Tina Turner look, but you would definitely have to shave your legs to keep from being tortured by those chainmail hose. I thought about Yellowstone, but no one in North America would need to shave their legs after that one. 🙂
Since I don’t go in much for high fashion, give me the camo. But get me out of Florida first. I can barely handle living here WITH air conditioning. Living here post-apocalypse would be cruel and unusual punishment.
To be honest, that heat and humidity sound pretty tough on the best of days to me. Post-apocalyptic? No way. 🙂
Do you ever look around and think about which people you know would be able to survive?
(I’d head to cooler climate – maybe. The growing season and fishing potential are attractive, but the mosquitoes are more than annoying. Guess there would be less emphasis on neat and clean – that’s only in movies anyway? giggles)
LOL. In answer to your question, yes. I actually do now and then. 🙂
No one will ever use “haute couture” and my name in the same sentence, unless it’s to evoke hysterical laughter. I’d have to say whatever outfit has the toughest, most comfortable shoes, since I have the absolute wussiest feet on the planet. At least, whatever will be left of the planet, post-apocalypse….
Great point! Going to need some seriously good shoes. 🙂
A toss-up between Tina and Mila. Alpha females have an alluring appeal for me.
There should be an abundance of them in the post-apocalypse, I should think. Will take some pretty tough ladies to survive that. 🙂
What ever is the most comfortable and most protective. I live for comfort, but if it came down to it, I would grab whatever I could cover myself with. Running naked is not my thing. ha! 🙂
LOL. And I would think that post-apocalyptic naked would be exceptionally uncomfortable. 🙂
Oh yeah, I think so too. 😉
Given where I live, an asbestos suit and breathing apparatus would be essential post-Taupo apocalypse blast wear. And a hard hat… Could have done with that breathing apparatus a couple of years back when Tongariro blew (next volcano south) and Wellington was soused in a cloud of hydrogen sulphide. Eww!
I remember that eruption. That had to be seriously obnoxious, with the emphasis on noxious. 🙂
I’ve always found the post-apocalyptic wardrobes very interesting. I think your girl has the right idea. 🙂
I’ve always been the person who gets distracted at the movies when the characters have inefficient clothing. 🙂
Absolutely…especially when it’s for the purpose of sex appeal and doesn’t make sense based on storyline.